If you want a new ending, tell a new story

Do you remember the last time you got caught talking to yourself? There you were minding your own beeswax, unaware of anything but the sound of your inner-turned-outer voice,  when someone walks into the room and catches you in the act. It happens to me more than I'd like admit to, like the day I was doing a little reminiscing at the copier. "Are up talking to yourself?" Lenny snickered as he crept up behind me. "No," I snapped. "I'm counting copies. Don't you have something to do in the mail room?"

I had been revising a scene in my mind with an offending co-worker, mentally substituting  "take that" for my lame "oh yeah?" In the end I got the last word but it started me thinking about how easily my mood can go from sunny to stormy with just one thought, and how that thought could rule my day. Pesky thoughts are eventually dismissed, usually around the time you've burned through all your friends on speed dial. Life-long patterns of negative thoughts, however, have the power to derail us for decades. They turn into belief systems and that can become a sizable challenge to reverse.  

We are a hardy bunch. When discomfort and pain become prolonged, we learn to adapt our lives to accommodate the dysfunction. Living without enough money year in and year out, for example, leads to clipping coupons and shopping for off-season bargains as a way of life. There's nothing  wrong with that -many turn it into a game - but in the quiet hours, when the root feeling behind the action is one of fear or sadness or depression, it's time to let go of  a belief system that is self-defeating and replace it with a life-altering foundation for success .

One step you can take immediately to turn your life around is to stop telling the same story. Author and spiritual counselor, Carolyn Myss, calls it bringing out your woundology. In the above example, ask yourself if you've been telling your story of misfortune over and over to anyone who will listen. When your friends are going to dinner, do you say you can't afford a night out then follow up with what a tough year it's been and just when things were looking up, you got slammed with an unexpected expense? The subject could be money or unrequited love or weight loss, it doesn't matter. As long as you keep telling the same story of frustration and desperation, the Law of Attraction will deliver to you more of the same story.

You have the power to change that using the same principles of the Law of Attraction that delivered you to a dead end (the Law is funny that way, it has no investment in the outcome). You can reverse any  negative trend - and even life-long patterns - by starting to tell a different story. My friend Abby refused to join her contemporaries in complaining about how slow business was when the economy went bust. "Business is good," she'd reply then go about her work day, expecting business to be good. When others were forced to close, she was expanding.

Abby's good fortune wasn't luck or timing or favoritism. Nor is yours or anyone else's. It's the deliberate use of one of the fundamental laws of the universe: Like Attracts Like. All creation begins with thought which pulsates into being through words. The final step in the creative process is to add feeling but the words we speak impact the feelings we have. Do you understand the link? Can you see how important it is to be conscious of the words you are choosing and the story you are telling yourself?

In the beginning, your new story may feel a little shaky to you. Years of erroneous thinking about your finances or weight or love life aren't going to vaporize into happy endings after a few tries. But stay with it and they will. Start small with phrases that are believable to you..."I'm beginning to lose weight, I know love is on the way, I always have more money than I need in the moment" ...and build on them as the changes occur. In very short order, the rest of your life can become the best of your life.

Don't let the past define you

Have you ever had to summarize your life in few paragraphs for, say, a resume or a profile page? It takes a little work to narrow it down to a few bullet points and sound like you've lead a successful life. I tend to leave out the part when I got fired as a salad girl for getting into a water fight with a kitchen hose. But when I had to write an update for a grade school reunion (we do that in the Midwest) I found myself dealing with flashbacks that were flat out painful.

As I thought about seeing my old classmates again, insecurities rolled in like a San Francisco fog.  I considered making stuff up - I mean c’mon, who’s going to Google it –but I decided to stick with the facts. I live here, I do this, I like that, Benjamin-the-cat died and pretty soon I’m going to be a well-known writer. No, a famous writer. So famous that Billy Jennings will rue the day he dumped me for Denise DiMucci when she moved in across the street and wound up stealing all my boyfriends. So famous that Patty Wojac will be seriously sorry she ever made fun of me when I danced the watusi at Susie Kramer’s graduation party. Clearly this was going to take longer than I planned.

Three days later I was still on the first paragraph. I wasn't coming from the space of the accomplished, witty woman I fancied myself to be, I was thinking as the eight year old girl who tried too hard to be liked. Images of the clothes I wore to impress, the parties I threw to be popular, the teasing I took to fit in came back in vivid, 3D style. I got annoyed with myself for lingering too long over memories that made me cringe. What was the take-away here, what good could come from reviving a world I couldn't wait to leave behind on graduation day? Then I remembered Miss Belinda.

I was in the second grade and Miss Belinda was writing questions on the black board. With each question she'd choose a child from a sea of raised hands to give the answer. She passed me by so many times I finally blurted out one of the answers. She walked up to my desk, pulled me out of the chair and literally shook me, letting the class know that I was a bad example of how a good girl should behave. That embarrassing moment kept me stifled for years until I suddenly I saw it differently. I didn't know it then but I was a born communicator. Nothing, not even a teacher with a hair trigger temper, could sideline it.

We can't change the past but we can change its present moment effect in our life. The people and events that we allowed, quite innocently, to define us can also be redefined. When we focus on the flip side of perceived flaws the powerful Law of Attraction shifts course. Like thoughts will attract like thoughts until a new you emerges. Do you remember yourself as a loner who didn't fit the mold? Loners turn into entrepreneurs precisely because they don't run with the pack. The neighborhood boy who kids made fun of for building model airplanes now owns his own law firm.

If you have a dream that is yet to be realized, try to locate the root thought that's stopping you then look for its hidden treasure. There is something special about you the world is waiting for - your gift for healing, your knack for creating laughter, your flair for design. Find that root thought, focus on its blessing then turn around and share your special way of being with everyone you touch. That's only fair to the other kids on the playground.

This simple step can be your turning point

When I first started studying the Law of Attraction I learned that if I were going to change anything in my life, the art of visualization needed to be mastered. If I couldn't picture myself in a new career or debt free or in a loving partnership, the books explained, then I had little chance of shifting from perpetual dissatisfaction to happy endings. I could see it was important to get very clear about putting myself into the action through mental images. One of the tools I jumped on was creating a vision board of pictures and words that reflected my ever-after dreams. My creation was a dandy but the problem was I didn't read the fine print.

I started with a collection of magazines that would rival a library. Like a child lost in a kindergarten moment, I cut out pictures of fiery sunsets in Maui, happy couples smiling over a candlelit dinner and slim, vibrant women dancing, laughing, driving, doing anything that - I don't know - looked like I would look if I were rich and gorgeous and happily in love. Next I cut out words in mega-type: Powerhouse, You Make It Happen, Shine! And just so the fairy godmother-in-charge  wouldn't miss the message, I added fake hundred dollar bills and glitter. Seriously.
 
I took my new masterpiece and propped it up on the bedroom dresser. The goal was to saturate my subconscious at its most vulnerable, before sleep and as I awoke, just as the books instructed. Several weeks later things hadn't changed a bit. My car hadn't morphed into a Mercedes, no one had offered me a six figure income for just being me and "the one" hadn't accidently spilled coffee on my shoes in a Starbucks line. I'd like to say I figured out early on that there was a missing link but, as you've learned by now, I'm not a quick study. I kept cranking out vision boards every couple of years, sure that better pictures, zestier words and brighter sparkles would seal the deal.

Then I discovered the teachings of Neville Goddard, a mid-century master of the Law of Attraction. Neville's repetitive message is a simple one: for it to be real, you must feel it real. It dawned on me that while the pictures and words in the vision boards gave me an emotional high, I remained a passive observer in the creative process. Unknowingly, I had used them  to reinforce a "me here, dream there" perspective. I wasn't standing on the stage hearing applause and taking a bow, I was sitting in the audience.

Here's a simple but powerful technique from Neville's teachings that  helped me shift from keeping my dreams in future tense to here-and-now successes. Imagine yourself in a conversation with a good friend where he or she is congratulating you on your success. Do this, not as an observer watching yourself in the scene, but through your own eyes. Hear your friend's voice as she tells you she always knew you would do it, see the light in your friend's eyes as he shares the excitement of your new found success, feel the exhilaration of the moment as you and your friend stand in celebration of a dream realized.

There are two very important dynamics at work here. One, you put yourself into the action by seeing the scene through your own eyes and two, the dream is a reality. You've taken it out of the future and put in the past. The Law of Attraction always matches your current vibration. Feel it real and the Law will faithfully and unerringly deliver your desire.

If you would like to learn more about the extraordinary teachings of Neville Goddard, go to www.freeneville.com.

A little more about living your dream

After my post about following your dream, one reader expressed frustration over having many interests and wanted to know how to sort through them all to, as I wrote, target the bull's eye of your passion. Great question. A lucky few know what they want to do in life from early on but most of us find ourselves trying to choose from a kaleidoscope of life experiences. Using the Law of Attraction helped my friend Geri discover her true calling. It started with a cup of coffee, a pen and a quiet Sunday morning.

Geri was one of the most easy going people I knew. I was in awe of her ability to face a crisis and see possibilities instead of disasters. I mean, the girl just lived on the bright side of life. She even put pinwheels in my birthday gifts for crying out loud. She also had little interest in attaining titles, or awards or standing in the winner's circle. She just lived to be happy.

One day she found herself without a job. Geri figured in the grand scheme of things it was probably a sign - she was sure everything was a sign - and that God was opening another door. The conundrum was finding that door. Instead of going into a panic and collapsing on every friend she had with her tale of woe, like I would have done, she decided to trust her inner guidance. If God was speaking to her, she was going to do her part and listen.

Then on a lazy Sunday morning, she had a flash of inspiration. What if she picked up the paper and circled every job she would like to do regardless of the pay? Going with her gut, she investigated the categories - a circle here, a star there - until she hit pay dirt. Literally. She saw a listing for a landscape assistant and all the pieces tumbled together. She didn’t have a background in horticulture but she loved plants, she loved the outdoors and she loved the freedom of an unencumbered schedule. It turned out her employers-to-be loved her for the same reasons.

The company quickly learned how engaging Geri could be and that once their clients met her, they always wanted her back. She was sent out to work with some of the area's top home builders, who introduced her to the area's top interior designers, who gave her so much work she decided to open her own business - Green Space Designs. She never had to circle another want ad again.

I can’t say whether Geri checked the rule book on the Law of Attraction before she found her calling, she just did it. She asked through her longing for something greater, chose it, then allowed it to happen. Again, here are the key ingredients:

• Ask
It’s important that you be deliberate about this. If you have many interests, make a list then narrow them down to your top three. Of those three, which one would provide you most with a sense of service? When we serve we connect, when we connect we love, when we love we become a prosperity magnet in every area of our life.

• Receive
Everything you want or could ever want already exists. Think of all the possible outcomes on a game CD like Dungeons and Dragons. Choose this door, you slay the dragon, choose that door the dragon turns you to toast. Everything you could possibly want is waiting for you to choose it and as soon as you do, it’s received.

• Allow
This is no small order. There is a buffer of time between when you ask and when it is received and here is where many of us trip on our shoelaces. We keep pulling up the roots to see if the plant is growing. Allow the Law all the time it needs to assemble the necessary components to deliver your dream and do whatever it takes to stay out of doubt until it arrives.

Now go get that cup of coffee.

　
　

Silence really can be golden

Whenever you have a desire that you want to see manifest, there is a subtle nuance in the Law of Attraction play book you need to be aware of. As I've shared with you in a previous post, you start with the basics - Ask, Receive and Allow. You ask through your desire for what is wanted, Source delivers it immediately and then you allow it by staying out of resistance. The process is precise and never fails unless, of course, you dump sugar into the gas tank. One way we unknowingly sabotage this failsafe process is by diluting the energy that is gathering momentum. We talk too much – a lesson I learned early on and promptly ignored for years.

When I was growing up, I was taught to share. There were starving children in Africa who had nothing, I was reminded, so not only were we to be grateful for everything we had, we had to share the goods. That was fine by me except when it came to potato chips. I was a hoarder.

We lived a 60s era tri-level with a finished basement where the family watched weekly episodes of Gunsmoke and celebrated holidays. One day when mom was on the upper level, folding doilies or something, I had a craving for potato chips. I had eaten all of the small bags in my personal stash but I knew the kitchen cabinets held the mother lode. The chips were off limits, it being so close to dinner time, but I was driven. The only thing that stood between me and that beautiful foil bag with the bold red letters was my five-year old brother Tommy. That kid followed me everywhere. If I were going to get my way I’d have to break my hoarder’s code of silence and include him in the conspiracy.

We moved swiftly. Up to the kitchen, into the pantry and back to the basement with the prize. The best hiding place I knew was in the family room in the smallest closet in the house. Wedged between dusty boxes of memorabilia, we devoured the contents. "Now you know you can’t say a word to mom," I said sternly and he nodded in agreement. Moments later I hear, "Mom, guess what we did." I don’t remember the punishment but the betrayal was what stuck in my craw. If I’d kept my mouth shut, I would have had the whole bag to myself.

You don’t have to be a physicist to know there is power in focused energy. When we are working with the Law of Attraction – Ask, Receive, Allow – this first step, Ask, is loaded with dynamite. It literally explodes into the universe in a burst of desire that is fueled by passion. The desire is inconsequential. It could be for more money, more love or more potato chips but it’s crucial to keep the energy focused. Once the desire is launched, it gyrates into the universe and like a magnet, begins to attract every necessary component to bring it into being. A sure-fire way to torpedo the budding manifestation is to tell everyone you know what you are up to.

Does this include your best friend too? That depends. If your friend is a worrier, you’ll hear all the reasons why what you have asked for couldn’t possibly happen then off you go into doubt. If your friend is of like mind and a student of the Law of Attraction, she could be an asset and an excellent co-conspirator. Remember to be wise about who you share your dreams with, including your brother.

For big results, start small

One of the key principles of the Law of Attraction is to stay focused on positive feelings regardless of outer circumstances. If you are faced with circumstances that are angering or frightening you, it is said, withdraw your attention from what is and focus on good feeling thoughts. I don’t know about you but staying focused on anything is about as easy for me as it is for a cat in bird sanctuary, never mind swapping negative thoughts for positive ones. And it really takes a nose dive when I’m fired up. I discovered something, though, that worked for me and it might work for you too.

When I finally took my writing career seriously, I searched for a book to help me hone my skills and came across a gem called Bird by Bird, Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. Not only is it chock full of excellent advice for a writer at any stage of the game, it’s laced with wisdom and humorous insight about the business of daily living. In one chapter Lamott advises writers to think of a scene in one-inch squares, drawing their readers into such fine detail they can feel and smell and hear the character’s every move. It was stellar instruction at the time but not too long ago, it returned as a lightening bolt of inspiration when I couldn’t get out of my own way.

I was in a very comfortable place in my life. Though I received some income from free lance writing gigs, I needed a back up plan so I took a job as a sales counselor with a new-home builder. I loved the job so much I was beginning to think I should chuck the whole writing thing and become a real estate super star. The community I worked in was buzzing with growth and my sales were ticking up. Out of the blue, a new manager plucked me from this thriving community and transferred me to one where the activity had stalled. I was so angry I wanted to quit but good advice and good sense prevailed.

For days I stewed, looking out of the window of my new sales office and resenting everything I laid my eyes on. Nothing I had learned about the importance of good feeling thoughts was kicking in and I looped around and around about the injustice of it all. Focus on the positive aspects, I kept telling myself, and though I could do it for a little while, at the end of the day I was right back where I started. Negative thoughts are energy thieves and I was nearing exhaustion.

One afternoon, a strange looking bird perched on a bush outside my window. I stared at her and she stared right back, then bounced up to the windowsill and stayed long enough for me to have an AHA moment…bird by bird…one-inch squares. What if I just tried focusing on what it feels like to release resistance. That’s all, just release resistance. Immediately I felt the tension subside. For the rest of the day, every time I had a negative thought - I got a rotten deal…this fool is taking too long at the check out…she took my parking space – I batted it right out of the park like hall of famer. It didn’t take long at all for things to change and by now you might be guessing the end of the story. Sales started buzzing once again.

The value of thinking in one-inch squares is twofold; a single good feeling thought is more manageable and easy to focus on than trying to digest an entire philosophy and second, you literally inch into a new perspective. Start small and you can have big results.

You can live your dream

Recently, I was having dinner with a close friend when he mentioned he was still struggling with the next step for his career. For more than a decade, he had owned a successful women’s jewelry and accessory store in a tony part of town. But between the economy and his waning interest in running a retail business, the shop had been closed for two years and he hadn’t worked since. I reminded him he possessed an extraordinary talent for designing his own jewelry, some of which I owned. "Just do it," I nudged, "you don’t need to open another store, you can sell your designs on the Internet." When we parted, he was still in limbo about his future, hestitant to embrace his passion and natural talent.

Having hit a crossroad with their career, many of my clients come to me with the same sort of challenge. On a deeper level, they long for a sense of purpose. "What am I supposed to do with my life?" they ask. "When is my life going to take off?" Well, I have some bad news for you. No psychic or counselor or well meaning friend can ever provide that answer. It lies within your heart, the seat of your passion, and you have to identify it and claim it. I know because I struggled with the same questions myself.

When I was in grade school I was a stupendous failure in any left brain subject. I didn’t know it then but I also had dyslexia. Not only was I doomed in math and science, when I found a subject I did love, I had to read the text two or three times to comprehend it. The teachers put me in the "slow" class and my self-esteem plummeted. I thought I was stupid but one thing I knew for certain, I excelled at writing. Secretly, I longed to have a career as a writer but never had the confidence to pursue it and so for many years, I plodded along in lack luster jobs.

Right before my 40th birthday, my world unraveled. Another mediocre job had come to an end and I found myself standing outside a restaurant with a friend, sobbing from my inner core. "I can’t do this anymore," I cried, "I can’t bear the idea of finding ‘just another job’ and I’ve given up hope of ever finding a career that gives me purpose." My friend did her best to console me but my heart was broken. I went home and cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up the next morning I had an overwhelming sense of peace. I couldn’t explain it but I felt things really were going to get better. Shortly afterward, I saw a want ad for a society columnist for the local newspaper. I had no training, no experience and no business applying for it but I knew that job was mine. I crafted my resume to highlight my scant writing successes, attached a picture of myself and hand delivered the package. As I was standing at the front desk of the newspaper, one of the writers on the society team happened to walk out. The receptionist introduced us and we liked each other immediately. That following Monday I was called in for an interview and a week later I was hired. I’ve been writing – for profit and with confidence – ever since.

Looking back, I realize why that particular turning point was so profoundly different from others I’d experienced. The desperate pain I felt at having run out of all options actually pulverized my fear of not being good enough to go for what I really wanted. I literally had nothing to lose and once the resistance was gone, the opportunity appeared.

Now, you don’t have to go through my histrionics to find your purpose. Start right now by thinking about how you would spend your time if money or training or parental influences had nothing to do with it. What do you love to do? Debbie Fields loved baking cookies, Jay Leno loved making his mom laugh, Bill Gates couldn’t get enough of that new thing called computer science. You don’t have to set the world on fire or make headlines, you only have to find what makes your heart sing and start right there, on the bull’s eye of your passion. It may begin as just a hobby but I promise you this; your positive feelings will beget more positive feelings and the Law of Attraction will start to deliver all the people, opportunities and circumstances you need to turn your most treasured dream into a reality.