Recently, I was having dinner with a close friend when he mentioned he was still struggling with the next step for his career. For more than a decade, he had owned a successful women’s jewelry and accessory store in a tony part of town. But between the economy and his waning interest in running a retail business, the shop had been closed for two years and he hadn’t worked since. I reminded him he possessed an extraordinary talent for designing his own jewelry, some of which I owned. "Just do it," I nudged, "you don’t need to open another store, you can sell your designs on the Internet." When we parted, he was still in limbo about his future, hestitant to embrace his passion and natural talent.
Having hit a crossroad with their career, many of my clients come to me with the same sort of challenge. On a deeper level, they long for a sense of purpose. "What am I supposed to do with my life?" they ask. "When is my life going to take off?" Well, I have some bad news for you. No psychic or counselor or well meaning friend can ever provide that answer. It lies within your heart, the seat of your passion, and you have to identify it and claim it. I know because I struggled with the same questions myself.
When I was in grade school I was a stupendous failure in any left brain subject. I didn’t know it then but I also had dyslexia. Not only was I doomed in math and science, when I found a subject I did love, I had to read the text two or three times to comprehend it. The teachers put me in the "slow" class and my self-esteem plummeted. I thought I was stupid but one thing I knew for certain, I excelled at writing. Secretly, I longed to have a career as a writer but never had the confidence to pursue it and so for many years, I plodded along in lack luster jobs.
Right before my 40th birthday, my world unraveled. Another mediocre job had come to an end and I found myself standing outside a restaurant with a friend, sobbing from my inner core. "I can’t do this anymore," I cried, "I can’t bear the idea of finding ‘just another job’ and I’ve given up hope of ever finding a career that gives me purpose." My friend did her best to console me but my heart was broken. I went home and cried myself to sleep.
When I woke up the next morning I had an overwhelming sense of peace. I couldn’t explain it but I felt things really were going to get better. Shortly afterward, I saw a want ad for a society columnist for the local newspaper. I had no training, no experience and no business applying for it but I knew that job was mine. I crafted my resume to highlight my scant writing successes, attached a picture of myself and hand delivered the package. As I was standing at the front desk of the newspaper, one of the writers on the society team happened to walk out. The receptionist introduced us and we liked each other immediately. That following Monday I was called in for an interview and a week later I was hired. I’ve been writing – for profit and with confidence – ever since.
Looking back, I realize why that particular turning point was so profoundly different from others I’d experienced. The desperate pain I felt at having run out of all options actually pulverized my fear of not being good enough to go for what I really wanted. I literally had nothing to lose and once the resistance was gone, the opportunity appeared.
Now, you don’t have to go through my histrionics to find your purpose. Start right now by thinking about how you would spend your time if money or training or parental influences had nothing to do with it. What do you love to do? Debbie Fields loved baking cookies, Jay Leno loved making his mom laugh, Bill Gates couldn’t get enough of that new thing called computer science. You don’t have to set the world on fire or make headlines, you only have to find what makes your heart sing and start right there, on the bull’s eye of your passion. It may begin as just a hobby but I promise you this; your positive feelings will beget more positive feelings and the Law of Attraction will start to deliver all the people, opportunities and circumstances you need to turn your most treasured dream into a reality.
Gee Gail, I was a stupid kid, too! Left brain just wasn't my thing and boy did I hear about that. It wasn't until I grew up and went into graphic design that I started to excel. That and the realization that we are not all on the same path, using the same tools. I learned to focus on the positive and what I couldn't do wasn't a negative, it just wasn't where I was suppose to be. I think right now the biggest remnant left from my “stupid childhood” is when I drop something or make a mistake and say “David Wayne” to myself - I hear my mother's voice. Ha. Another funny was when I had taken a new job as a corporate art director and was moving into a new house, new town. I was telling my beloved grandmother about the changes. She looked at me and said in a surprised tone, “Huh, I never thought you'd amount to much.” Well baby, look at me now!
ReplyDeleteDave, I appreciate your feedback and thanks so much for sharing! Being 'defined' by elders in our early years can indeed leave a mark but you've used it as a catalyst for success - and a great example of following your north star. Excellent!
DeleteFinding what makes your heart sing is the challenge. I have a lot of interests but can't seem to focus on the direction I want or need to go.
ReplyDeleteMara, thanks so much for your feedback. I know a lot of folks share your feelings. I would say, first, narrow it down and focus on the interest(s) that you feel give you a purpose. For example, you may love cooking and animals and gardening and painting, etc. In your list, which one do you return to time and again to get a feeling of comfort and satisfaction? From the shorter list, which one includes service? By that I mean YOUR definition of service, not a generic or altruistic one. Service and purpose go hand in hand. I know for myself, once I took money out of the mix (a very worthy by-product by the way)and focused on writing as one path to service, things really began to kick in. Give it a try :)
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